The Terrifying Liquefying Gut Curse
by Whenrabbitsattack2-0
Summary: The Facts of Life catch up with a certain innocent adventuress, but nobody knows what's wrong with her! (Little bit of Fiolee, but nothing substantial. Just have a laugh. Hope you like it!)


'GUMBALL!' Prince Gumball jumped and looked around at the shriek, searching for whatever distressed creature was calling his name. Carefully putting down a vial of luminescent purple liquid and pulling off his googles, he stood up and ran out of his lab to be confronted by Cake the Cat. Fionna was noticeably absent.  
' Cake? Where- What's-'  
' GumballFionnawokeupthismorningandshewasbleedingandnowshesaysthateverything hurtsandIthinkshe'sdyingandIdon'tknowwhattodo!' Cake screeched, before sucking in ahuge lungful of breath when she finished her garbled sentence. Gumball bent over and scratched the fur between Cake's ears, making soothing noises as he attempted to calm her down.  
' Slow down, Cakers. What's wrong with Fionna?' Cake purred and nuzzled against his hand, before her eyes snapped open and her ears pricked up.  
' Fionna was bleeding when she woke up this morning and now she says that everything hurts and neither of us know why.' Gumball appeared confused.  
' Well, did you fight anyone yesterday? Was she cursed by a witch, or stabbed?'  
' No, we stayed home and played videogames!'  
' Well, then where's she bleeding from if she hasn't been cut?' Cake froze and coughed awkwardly, only serving to further confuse the prince.  
' Cake?'  
' She- It, um... It's, y'know... There.' Cake mumbled, looking away from the prince and gesturing weakly towards his crotch. Prince Gumball immediately understood her reluctance and blushed, before steeling his resolve. If Fionna needed help, he owed it to her to go to her aid in return for all the times she had unquestioningly done so for him. No matter how uncomfortable it might be.  
' Alright, Let's see if we can figure out what's wrong.'

* * *

'Fionna? Sweetheart, I'm back and I brought Gumball. He's gonna try and help figure out what's wrong with you.' Cake called worriedly as she ushered Gumball through the front door of the treehouse and closed it behind him. Cake stretched up the ladder and ran into Fionna's room, closely followed by the Candy prince. Fionna was curled up on her bed, surrounded by piles of tissues and a couple of disturbingly bloody rags. She was clutching her stomach and groaned weakly when the cat and prince entered. Cake quickly ran to her side and pushed her hair back off of her forehead soothingly, stroking her cheek and whispering comforting words. Gumball took in the scene apprehensively, before gingerly making his way over to the bed. Fionna opened one eye and glared at him balefully, causing Gumball to take an involuntary step back.  
' Why did you bring him? Does he know what's wrong?' She muttered, and Gumball was surprised by the animosity in her voice. It was hardly exaggerating to say that Fionna was typically sweetness and light.  
' No, I don't, but if I run a few tests-'  
' Screw your stupid tests! I'm in pain!' Fionna yelled, sitting up then cringing dramatically, her hands spasming automatically towards her stomach. Gumball looked her over in worry, then knelt down next to her bed and took hold of one of her hands sympathetically. Fionna appeared to be appeased by this somewhat, and no longer looked like she was going to bite his head off.  
' Fionna, where do you hurt? How much blood is there?' Fionna stared at him for a second and then her eyes filled with tears.  
' It hurts... it h-hurts everywhere! My stomach is sore and m-my legs are aching and my boobs are all swollen and my h-head hurts and It s-sucks bloobies!' Fionna whined, hiccuping a couple times as she started to cry. Gumball nodded understandingly, glancing surreptitiously at her chest. Swollen indeed.  
' What about the blood? Is there a lot? Is it a weird colour, or consistency? You may have been cursed, Fionna.' Gumball was trying to view the entire situation objectively. If he thought too much about exactly what he was asking her, he would disappear under a sea of shame and probably never resurface.  
' N-no, it's just there's so much and it's all goopy. Are my guts liquefying and then dripping out of me or some crazy junk like that? I don't wanna die of liquefied gut curse, Gumball!' She cried, clutching onto his hand and staring at him wide-eyed. The candy prince was somewhat dazed by how many emotions she had reeled through in the five minutes he had been there. Angry to depressed to frightened... what was next, horny?  
' Look, I'll go look up your symptoms, for now just keep warm, drink a lot of water and try to stay calm, okay?' Fionna nodded tearfully, looking completely exhausted as she pulled up the covers of her bed.

Gumball withdrew from her room and down into the kitchen, where Cake had busied herself washing some of the bloodied rags from the room above.  
' Hold on Cake, let me look at one of those.' Cake turned at the sound of his voice and unquestioningly passed him one of the rags. As Gumball inspected it, taking in details such as colour, consistency and purity while trying not to think of its origins, Cake studied his expression.  
' So what do you think, Gummy? Is my baby girl gonna be okay, is there any medicine you can give her?' Gumball shrugged, admitting defeat.  
' Honestly Cake, I have no clue. I don't know very much about Human biology, and I've never seen a disease like this afflicting any of the humanoid creatures in Aaa. I don't think I can help you very much.'  
'Well, who else can I go to?' Gumball held up a finger, thinking. She had a point. There really was no-one else that had any kind of knowledge that would be medically useful. If only there was still some humans aroun- ' Marshall-lee.' Cake looked at him as if he was crazy.  
' What? What would Marshy know, he's not a doctor or a wizard.'  
' Yeah, but he's a vampire. He used to be human Cake, and he's even older than I am. He might know if this is just a human thing, but in the meantime I'll go and ask around, see if anyone's ever heard of a curse like this.' Gumball made his way over to the ladder, with Cake looking on incredulously. She had never thought Marshall would've been able to help in a million years. Gumball paused just before his head disappeared from view as he climbed down the ladder, meeting Cake's eye and nodding once.  
' Yep, definitely Call Marshall-lee. See what he knows.' And with that, he vanished.

* * *

Marshall-lee rolled over groggily and yelped slightly when he fell off of his bed, catching himself before he could hit the floor. Who the hell would be calling him at this time of day? Actually, who the hell called him, ever? The vampire yawned, scratching his neck sleepily before picking up his jeans off the floor and digging around in the pockets, searching for the nut that was issuing the tinny ringing noise.  
' Uh, Marshall-lee here. Who the junk calls a vampire at ten thirty in the morning?' He demanded weakly, glancing at the clock beside his bed then stretching as the phone crackled into life.  
' Marshy, It's Cake. I need you to come to the treehouse right now, something's wrong with Fionna.' Marshall-lee raised an eyebrow, his interest piqued.  
' And what makes you think I can do something about that? Call Gumball, he's the one with all the gadgets.'  
' I did, but he came over and didn't know what was wrong, but he said you might.' Marshall-lee sighed, running his fingers through his tufty black hair in annoyance. Trust Gumbutt to dump all of the lady troubles on him. Though he guessed that was his own fault, he couldn't help being so smooth with them.  
' Alright, fine. I'll be there in ten minutes, catch you soon, kitty.' He said defeatedly, before hanging up and drifting over to the bathroom, habitually glancing in the mirror and seeing nothing. Being a vampire made shaving a bloody pain in the ass.

* * *

' So what's such a terrible emergency that I had to get up before noon, Cakers?' Cake jumped and hissed in surprised, whipping around to find Marshall-lee floating behind her in the living room, dark circles apparent under his eyes. Cake exhaled and clutched at her heart dramatically, giving Marshall the evil eye.  
' Jeez Marshall-lee, don't be creeping up on a cat like that.' Marshall-lee shrugged unapologetically, grabbing an apple from a bowl of fruit on the kitchen bench and lazily sucking the red from its skin.  
' Where's Fio- Cake, why can I smell blood?' Marshall-lee said, stiffening slightly and narrowing his eyes at the cat. He only breathed habitually, as he didn't need to in order to stay alive. He was dead, after all.  
' That's Fionna. She woke up this morning and she was bleeding and she just hurts all over. Plus, she's been really high-strung today, like I-will-snap-your-neck cuckoo in the head.' Marshall-lee frowned at Cake.  
' Did you get beat up yesterday? Cause if that's all it is, then I don't see-'  
' No, no, that's the thing, we didn't fight at all, and Fionna hasn't been cut.' Marshall-lee looked at her, bewildered, before suddenly clicking and rolling his eyes, laughing slightly. Oh, grob. Nature had finally caught up with the tiny little bunny rabbit.  
' Dude, whatchu' laughing 'bout? There's nothing funny about this, she could be dying!'  
' Trust me Cake, she's not dying. She's bleeding from an awkward place, yeah? Her stomach hurts, she's all puffy and swollen, and she's trying to kill anything that looks at her funny.' Cake nodded, impressed. How did Marshall know all of this?  
' Well, yeah. You know what's wrong with her then?' Marshall-lee smiled at Cake, drifting over to the ladder.  
' Nothing's wrong with her Cakers, it's a human thing. She's just growing up. Ain't no little girl anymore, she's a lady. Call Gumball before he dies of embarrassment.'

Just before he reached the ladder he paused and twisted back around to look at Cake.  
' Oh , and how much have you told her about the uh, intimate physical facts of a relationship? Y'know, making babies. That's kinda what this is all about.' Cake appeared shocked by the apparent lackadasical nature of his comment, before somehow managing to stutter out a reply.  
' N- nothing. She- She's only ever kissed one person once, so-'  
' That's all I needed. See ya, kitty.' Marshall-lee drifted up the ladder smirking to himself and shaking his head. What he wouldn't have given to see old Gumwad's face when Cake had to explain all this to him. As long as he hadn't actually gotten too 'involved'. Nasty.

'Hey Fi-fi. Short-Cake tells me you ain't feelin' your best, hm?' Marshall-lee said sympathetically as he drifted into her room. He would tease her about it some other time, but right now she was probably scared and highly volatile. She didn't need his crap, and if he gave her any she'd most likely kill him too. Fionna looked up at him, huddled under her covers with her knees drawn up to her chest. She nodded tearfully as he came and sat down beside her on top of the covers.  
' I think I'm dying Marshall. And it's only like, three days till my birthday too! It lumpin' sucks!' She sniffled, and Marshall-lee shook his head at her, unable to prevent a small smile from appearing on his lips.  
' You're not dying Fionna, I know what's up. But just quickly... How old will you be?' Fionna wiped her nose, looking at him in confusion.  
' Uhm, fifteen... But I don't see why that matters. What's wrong with me!?' Marshall-lee accepted this information without surprise, then raisied his eyebrows slightly as Fionna straightened out, now sitting cross legged with her arms folded across her stomach. Well, she was swollen in all the right places. Nice. Very nice. Or was that just how she looked now? He didn't really ever remember paying attention to the way her body looked especially. He had known her since she was what, twelve? Back when there was basically nothing. The effects of that wonderful and hateful process where less apparent if you were there for the whole thing. But as he quickly scanned her, looking with new eyes, he saw just how much she had changed, and for the better too. Damn, that girl was fine.  
' Fionna, there's nothing wrong with you, it's just part of being human and growing up, okay? It'll stop in a few days.' Fionna sighed, hugely relieved by this news and collapsed back onto her pillows, before wincing and folding her arms over her stomach once again.  
' So that's it? my body just goes completely psycho for a little bit and then boom, I'm a grown up?'  
' Uh, no... not quite. This'll keep happening to you once a month probably until you're at least forty-five.' Fionna groaned in frustration, throwing a pillow at Marshall-lee. Marshall caught in deftly and chucked it to the side. He was use to dealing with moody females. Ashley had been way worse then Fionna, even when the communists weren't in the funhouse.  
' But why? What's the globbin' point?' Marshall-lee thought for a moment, slightly surprised by how not-awkward this was for him and that he was in fact the one who had to tell Fionna all of this. But did he really have too? I mean, she was an attractive young woman now, pretty soon she'd have guys after her left and right. But whether she needed the full low down probably wasn't his decision. Best to leave that to Cake.  
' Look Fionna, just accept that it's part of being a human girl. I mean, it's only a few days once a month. It's not that bad.'  
' You wouldn't say that if you were the one who was bleeding like a wounded soldier and had tits the size of beachballs and a bunch of randoms walking in and out of your room all morning who either have no clue what's wrong with you or won't tell!' Fionna raged, glaring at him. Marshall-lee shrugged then hugged her, confusing Fionna greatly. She tentatively returned the gesture, before he pulled away.  
' There. Now you don't feel like the PMS Swamp-Thing, yeah?' Fionna nodded, understanding. For some reason, her emotions were ebbing and flowing like waves on a beach, and frankly it was exhausting. Marshall-lee could see she was a least as tired as he was, and he ruffled the hair on top of her head gently.  
' Get some rest, Bunny. You'll feel better in a couple of days. Until then, just take it easy, okay?' Fionna nodded, too worn out to disagree, and lay back on her pillows.

She was out in ten seconds flat, and Marshall-lee smiled as she snored. It was nice to have something that reminded him that the world really did keep on turning. That he wasn't stuck in limbo while everything passed him by. He was here with her, during this milestone in her life, and that made him feel less purposeless. He kissed her forehead then smoothly floated up off of her bed and down into the kitchen, where Cake was sitting at the table with a coffee mug.  
' So, did you tell her what's wrong?'  
' Yeah, She's asleep now. She should be fine.' Cake eyed Marshall-lee over the top of her coffee mug.  
' So what is this, and how does it relate to babies?' Marshall-lee laughed. He hadn't thought he would ever have to use this knowledge again. Basically, all he really needed to know was check if she can get preggers, then don't make her so. He hadn't failed yet.  
' well obviously you know about how babies are made Cakey, hm? With some animals, if the raw materials aren't used, the chick's body clears them out to make room for a new set each month. Turns all the would-be baby goop into blood and out it goes.' Cake grimaced and stuck her tongue out.  
' Ew. Sounds yucky.'  
' Yeah, pretty much. That's why I'd take boing-loings over not boing-loings any day.' Cake rolled her eyes at him, shivering.  
' Ew ew ew! TMI, Marshall. Go away.' Marshall-lee shrugged, and drifted out one of the windows, twiddling his fingers condescendingly at Cake as he did so. Cake made a rude gesture though the glass and Marshall-lee laughed, before flying around to the other side of the house and looking in through Fionna's window. She was still fast asleep, and he smiled at the expression on her face. She could be as rowdy and tomboy-ish as she liked, but now she'd always be a woman to him.


End file.
